Illusion of Control

I realized yesterday that some of my feelings about letting go of some of my things is about control.  We had a repairman in to fix the washer yesterday who also happened to buy & sell antique radios.  When my Mom called to say he was there and interested in my grandparent's radio I was selling, I was happy to make the deal.  A few minutes later though I started feeling anxious about it and just wanted to get home and see the radio one last time before it disappeared from my life.  Very melodramatic, I know, but it made me realize that it wasn't really about the radio or that it belonged to my grandparents.  My feelings were about being out of control of the situation.

"Illusion of Control" by Brian Andreas

I was surprised by this epiphany.  I've known for a long time that any control I think I have over any other person, place or thing is an illusion.  The only things I can ever hope to have any control over are my own actions, inactions & reactions.  Even my feelings are beyond my control sometimes, although I have learned to act better than I feel most of the time and don't tend to wallow in my emotions for very long these days.

Trust me, I've spent some time on the Pity Pot over the years.  Through trial & error, I've just learned that a positive attitude and positive actions make all the difference for me.  I can't usually think my way into better action though.  I have to get busy doing the next right thing or helping someone else.  Maybe that's why helping people clear away clutter is so satisfying for me.  I know how good it feels to clear space in a drawer, closet or room, and I've witnessed that feeling in others.  Some of my clients even do "Happy Dances" in their driveways!

I'm not ready to dance down the driveway yet over this realization, but I am grateful for the awareness that the need for control is still a part of me.  Having had that awareness, I can now work on accepting it and continue take actions contrary to those feelings.  And I'm excited to see where the wind will carry me when as I continue down this enchanting road to Radical Simplicity.