This Will Go Down on Your Permanent Record

I decided to get rid of my high school yearbooks.  I have one from each year and even have plastic covers & my name embossed on three of them - just some of the "perks" of having been a yearbook staff photographer.  This particular act of simplification seems almost sacrilegious.  As I was tearing out the pages I plan to keep & scan into my computer and I heard the lead singer of the Violent Femmes repeating the warning in the title of this post that adults often invoke to try to keep teenagers in line.  I guess it feels a little like I'm destroying school property, and I have to say, I kinda like it. 

I wasn't much of a rebel in high school, although I did shave half my head when I was 16.  Listening to the Violent Femmes was about as rebellious as it got for me though.  I was an honor student and actually enjoyed learning, but hated the popularity contests and social games that took place in the hallways everyday.  Even though I looked a lot like Molly Ringwald in those days, there was no Breakfast Club for me.

I really did look like Molly Ringwald in 1985.

So, why have I been holding onto these weighty tomes dedicated to the glorification of all the things I hated about that time in my life?  At one time, I certainly felt proud for having been a part of the team that put them together.  I also have fond memories of learning about processing film and hanging out in the darkroom at school.  But, I always felt most comfortable participating in school events from behind the viewfinder of a 35mm or video camera.  Even though I lost a lot of weight in Middle School, I was still considered fat by some of my classmates who made it clear on a regular basis in the hallways that I didn't "fit in", so I always felt like I was on the outside looking in during those four long years.

In 1986, during my Junior year, my high school became the first school in Nebraska to produce a Video Yearbook.  I loved shooting video as much as still photograph, even though I had to support a huge video camera that used full-size VHS video tapes on my shoulder,  and thoroughly enjoyed participating in the editing process.  I still remember the excitement and anticipation of the first time we showed it to the whole school.  It was way too long, more than 2 hours, and had too much football footage, but it was a new & exciting way to capture our collective memories.  I made a point of converting those VHS tapes to DVD a few years ago to preserve them.

I have to admit that I started writing this post right after I'd torn out pages from all but my senior yearbook.  When it came to this last book I hesitated, probably because I was much more involved with it and there are naturally more pictures of the seniors (the people I actually knew in my school).  The first rip was the hardest, but once I'd pulled it out, the rest were much easier.  This might be a tougher decision if I didn't have a scanner and computer to store them on, but even if I didn't simply keeping the pages that actually have some meaning and pleasant memories for me would be a good start.  Now I can have some fun scanning & doing some finally cropping & editing of those torn out pages.

 

Getting rid of my yearbooks is just another layer in this process for me.  I'll hold onto the pleasant memories in a digital format, but I'm done schlepping all those football players & cheerleaders around with me.  Twenty-Five years is long enough to carry their extra weight.