The Long Weigh Down

It turns out that Little Debbie is a little bitch.  She first introduced herself to me in the kitchen of our house on East 152nd Street.  She seemed so sweet at first, but she had a nasty little secret.  A secret that was devastating for a little girl who had to go to school with little boys.  They pointed out her handy work by giving me the nickname "tub of lard".  I might have outgrown the effects of spending too many afternoons in her company, but I loved books instead of sports, so I spent much of my childhood as the fat kid in class.

We moved to Nebraska when I was 10 years old and I don't remember being bullied about my weight by my new classmates and made plenty of friends in my new school.  When I was 13 I became determined to catch the eye of a boy I liked and made the decision to leave Debbie in the dust.  I spent the summer between 7th and 8th grade without eating any candy, chips or any butter or mayonnaise on my sandwiches.  I lost 45 lbs that summer because of those changes, not to mention the hundreds of leg lifts I did with Richard Simmons on my Grandma's living room floor. 

So, from an early age I knew that eating less and exercising more was the answer, but I underestimated the deadly trifecta of "sugar, fat & salt" and have spent the rest of my life on yo-yo diet roller coaster.  I turned to Weight Watchers in the late 80s, Phen Phen in the 90s and in 2001 I was researching gastric bypass surgery when a friend introduced me to a food plan that finally taught me that sugar, flour & wheat were feeding my food addiction.  I also learned how to weigh & measure my food instead of my body.  My body loved the plan and I lost over 100lbs over the next 2 years with very little exercise.  After losing most of the weight, I started walking everyday and managed to follow the food plan & keep that weight off for another 4 years.  But, focusing on the food I ate and the miles I walked wasn't enough for me.  I ignored the underlying mental and emotional reasons for my eating and when another man (yes, I see the pattern here) broke my heart I started messing around with my gateway drugs like nuts & chips (lots of fat & salt!).  Eventually, I stopped walking every day and started spending too much time with two new frienemies named Ben & Jerry.  Whoever decided that there are FOUR serving in ONE pint of their ice cream is a sadistic bastard.

The result of discarding my food plan and stopping my daily walks was regaining all that weight I'd lost (and then some).  I decided to include this part of my story here because this excess weight is now feeding all of my fears about starting my new life in Santa Fe.  I do understand that this is simply another layer of my journey.  It's not the food's fault, even though the food industry knows that "Sugar Sells" and it's been more than 20 years since I had any direct contact with Little Debbie.   I just wish it was as easy for me to let go of this extra weight as it is for me to let go of my personal belongings. 

A couple of years ago I decided to try a different approach to this issue.  I started working on my insides first and have been praying, meditating and doing other footwork to resolve my mental obsession with food.  Even though I still weigh more than I ever have in my life, I now have an open heart and quiet mind (most of the time) and feel more comfortable with myself (most of the time) than at any other time in my life.  And now it feels like it's time for the physical work really begin again.

Back in January of this year my Dad got sick and was hospitalized.  When he came home I helped my Mom take care of him and I saw first hand how his obesity made it impossible for him to take care of himself and made his condition worse.  Witnessing his suffering motivated me to get back on my food plan and I lost 30lbs in less than 2 months.  My Dad lost his battle and passed away on April 12th.  Since then I haven't been able to follow that food plan as diligently as I would like. I am making progress though.  I started adding freshly juiced vegetables and fruit to my daily routine a few months ago and have added a few other healthy habits that seem to be making processed and highly refined foods less palatable.  Some of the foods I eat (and drink) today still seem pretty radical to others, but they feel right to me and I am continually reminded to bring GOD (Good Orderly Direction) into all of my actions and meals. 

One of the unexpected benefits of juicing is that I'm actually excited about vegetables.  Juicing them has motivated me to try new things like bok choy, fennel and ginger.  I even discovered that you can juice beets!  I have a few Meatless Mondays under my belt, but I'm still an omnivore who's just trying to limit my grass fed beef and organic chicken to a couple days a week and make the bulk of my diet fresh vegetables, whole grains (except wheat) and rely more on seeds and nuts for my protein. Naturally, my juicer is going with me to Santa Fe.

I really enjoy juicing and plan to make it a part of my daily routine for the rest of my life.  I love trying new combinations of fruits and veggies and decided to watch the documentary Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead again a couple weeks ago.  Today I feel like I'm being led to do a 30 day (or longer) Reboot With Joe.  I've been wheat & flour free since the day after Thanksgiving and working on getting all of the processed sugar out of my system again before starting the reboot in a couple weeks.  I always talk to my clients about Jump Starting their organizing goals and feel like this type of reboot will jump start my weight loss and help me redefine my relationship with food once and for all.