Simple Abundance

The first day of 2014 will find me ringing in my 7th day of my juice reboot.  During the last week I've had more energy than I could have imagined and constantly surprised by the lack of physical hunger.  The most welcome surprise though has been the quieting of the mental chatter in my head about food.  My initial goal was to help my body detox and start a new relationship with food.  So a good house cleaning was in order and the peace and quiet of the last week has been a gentle segue into a new and simpler way of eating.  

I'm not sure how long I'll keep going with it, but I've notice that the mild case of eczema that I've had for a few years is almost gone and my skin in general feels softer - even my feet feel softer!  I've also lost a total of 17 pounds since last Monday (10 days ago - I lost about 6 pounds during those 3 days that I had the flu).  I did get out and walk a couple days during this week, but we got hit with a cold snap and I haven't been back out walking since last Friday.  I have been more active though and gotten quite a bit of cleaning done around the house and even made it through a 3 hour organizing session with a client yesterday without taking any ibuprofen.  

While I'm excited and encouraged by this initial weight loss, I have a long way to go and this reboot is just the beginning.  I have no desire or intention to go back to my old eating habits.  My ultimate goal is to juice about 1 liter of green veggies and fruit everyday and eat 1-2 small meals with minimally processed, whole foods - limiting my meat consumption to 2-3 times per week.  For now, I'm letting my body be my guide and feel that it will tell me when it's ready to break my fast and move forward into a healthier & simple way of eating.

One of my books that making the trip.

During this time I've also been thinking about my WORD for 2014.  This is something my friend Erin Garcia, a Life Coach in Phoenix, does to help her & her clients focus on moving forward in a positive manner throughout the year.  I never really came up with one last year, but think now that my word for 2013 was RADICAL.  It makes since then that my word for 2014 would be SIMPLICITY.  I've already started by simplifying my possessions and now I'm simplifying my food.  However, I also need to do some revamping of my finances (a.k.a. need to make more money) and was thinking that the Universe might get the wrong idea & prolong this "paycheck-2-paycheck" paradigm that I've manifested for myself.  So, I decided to focus on "SIMPLE ABUNDANCE" in the coming year so all of my bases are covered.  I also believe that the more I continue to simplify my life the more abundant it will become and I look forward to all of the delightful surprises & wonderful adventures that are making there way to me.  I hope the coming year is Simple and Abundant for you and yours as well. 

Extra Energy

Today was a good day.  It was the second day of my juice reboot and I'm really surprised by how much energy I have today.  I even got outside and walked my dog for about 15 minutes.  I drank my last juice of the day (kale, watermelon & blueberries) about an hour ago and still feel energized. 

I read something this afternoon by Joe Cross that caused a slight paradigm shift for me in

how I look at the excess fat on my body.  "Try not to focus on weight loss...that will happen if your body needs to use up the extra energy you might be saving.  Try to stay focused on the health benefits of flooding your system with little packets of sunlight."

 

Despite all of my efforts to change my body and my thinking about my body over the years, I've always felt like food & the fat it created was the enemy.   But, energy is such a positive word and something just clicked in me.  It's not like this is a new concept for me, but with most my life lessons it often takes hearing something I've heard a thousand times before in just the right way at just the right moment.   I finally feel like the fat I've been storing "for a rainy day" is finally working in my favor and supplying me with lots of energy today.   

 

It seems so simple now, but it took me a lifetime to get to this moment and I am excited to see what new insights and clarity comes from this little juicing experiment of mine.  I know letting go of this excess weight is an integral part of this journey to radically simplify my life and hope I feel as energetic tomorrow and in the coming days.  Today it certainly felt like I was walking in the sunlight of the spirit.

Juice. It's what's for dinner.

It's been a long week.  I missed all of the Christmas festivities because I came down with the flu on Monday.  To make things even more interesting Aunt Flo came to town yesterday and boy is she in a foul mood this month.  Nothing like being alone and sick during the holidays and a hormonal mess on top of it.  After some one-on-one time with my heating pad this morning, I started to feel human again and decided to go ahead with my plan to start my juice reboot today.  Since I'd already been detoxing for the last few days because of the flu, I thought there's no time like the present to radically simplify my diet - it also helped that it was sunny and 45 degrees outside today.

So, I made my way to The Natural Grocer & Trader Joe's and stocked up on what I'll need for the next 4-5 days.  It still seems strange to get excited about vegetables.  Today I bought what I thought was a beautiful bunch of kale.  The leaves were huge and I was excited to try this pretty new veg in a new recipe. The first sip nearly killed me.  The after shock of peppery harshness took my breath away.  I've made some less than tasty juices during the last few months but this one was in a class all by itself.  I thought maybe a dash of stevia powder would make the medicine go down but it didn't make any difference.  It's the first batch of juice I had to throw out and I went to check the tag from the bunch of "kale" to make sure I didn't buy that type again and discovered that I'd just juiced 8 gigantic leaves of MUSTARD GREENS!!!  All I could think was, "Col. Mustard, in the Kitchen, with the juicer."

Not to be dissuaded, I rinsed out the juicer and made a new batch of juice with my trusted fennel, baby spinach, carrots, apples & cucumbers (with lemon & ginger too!).   I'm having my last juice of the day and really haven't felt hungry much at all today.  I'll still keep trying new veggies and recipes but this was a good reminder to keep things simple (and read labels more carefully).

My food for the next 4-5 days.

Sister From Another Mother

Jen in NYC 1988.

Jennifer is my friend in Santa Fe who has been encouraging me to move down there and become her next door neighbor for the last 15 years.  Our friendship started a decade earlier though in Hartsdale (next stop Scarsdale), New York in 1988.  We had both just graduated from high school in Utah & Nebraska respectively and ended up working as live-in nannies a couple miles from each other.  We met because the nannies who worked in our families' homes before us knew each other and introduced us before the went back to their hometowns.  We were soul-sisters from the very beginning and had so much fun exploring New York City, challenging each others beliefs and having coffee at the diner on the corner.  

Jen was so gregarious and outspoken that I'd often turn around to find her talking to strangers on the street - that's her talking to a guy about his bike near Washington Square Park.  I was shy by comparison and admired her brave heart and curious nature.  She just loves people in a way that still seems foreign to me.  Don't get me wrong, I like people and no one I know has would ever call me shy, Jen just exudes a joie de vivre that only an former Mormon with Italian blood running through her veins can radiate.

I moved back to the Midwest after my year in New York and Jen stayed in New York with her family for another year.  We kept in touch over the years though & I visited her in Washington state in the mid 90s.  Then she moved to Santa Fe in 1999.  

I don't remember which came first, Jen moving to Santa Fe or my love for the place.  I do know that I didn't waste any time hitting the road with 7 year old son in tow to visit her that year.  I hadn't traveled very much and loved the drive across country and beautiful landscape of New Mexico from the first time I saw it from I-25.  I remember seeing sage brush for the first time and thinking that the sage color in my Crayon box didn't do it justice.  I've always been fascinated by adobe architecture and felt right at home under the Big Sky that I found there too.  The light and the air there even seems special and magical to me.  It was definitely love at first site, just like when I met Jen for the first time.

Jen & me in Santa Fe 2003.

I always felt a bit like a square peg in a round hole here in Nebraska.  I'm not a football fan and my interests in "new age" and "alternative" topics have garnered me a more than a few blank stares over the years.  But, in Santa Fe I felt like I'd found my true home.  People understood my language and I'm probably a little conservative by The City Different's standards.  Jen understands me though and has always championed my causes and we've often discovered that we were pursuing similar interests at the same time without having talked to each other about it first.  Our great minds have always thought alike.

In a few short months, Jen & I will once again be living in the same city and I can't wait to turn around and find her talking to strangers again as we hike the trails with our dogs and manifest a fabulous new adventure, together, in The Land of Enchantment.  

See ya soon, Sis!

 

The Long Weigh Down

It turns out that Little Debbie is a little bitch.  She first introduced herself to me in the kitchen of our house on East 152nd Street.  She seemed so sweet at first, but she had a nasty little secret.  A secret that was devastating for a little girl who had to go to school with little boys.  They pointed out her handy work by giving me the nickname "tub of lard".  I might have outgrown the effects of spending too many afternoons in her company, but I loved books instead of sports, so I spent much of my childhood as the fat kid in class.

We moved to Nebraska when I was 10 years old and I don't remember being bullied about my weight by my new classmates and made plenty of friends in my new school.  When I was 13 I became determined to catch the eye of a boy I liked and made the decision to leave Debbie in the dust.  I spent the summer between 7th and 8th grade without eating any candy, chips or any butter or mayonnaise on my sandwiches.  I lost 45 lbs that summer because of those changes, not to mention the hundreds of leg lifts I did with Richard Simmons on my Grandma's living room floor. 

So, from an early age I knew that eating less and exercising more was the answer, but I underestimated the deadly trifecta of "sugar, fat & salt" and have spent the rest of my life on yo-yo diet roller coaster.  I turned to Weight Watchers in the late 80s, Phen Phen in the 90s and in 2001 I was researching gastric bypass surgery when a friend introduced me to a food plan that finally taught me that sugar, flour & wheat were feeding my food addiction.  I also learned how to weigh & measure my food instead of my body.  My body loved the plan and I lost over 100lbs over the next 2 years with very little exercise.  After losing most of the weight, I started walking everyday and managed to follow the food plan & keep that weight off for another 4 years.  But, focusing on the food I ate and the miles I walked wasn't enough for me.  I ignored the underlying mental and emotional reasons for my eating and when another man (yes, I see the pattern here) broke my heart I started messing around with my gateway drugs like nuts & chips (lots of fat & salt!).  Eventually, I stopped walking every day and started spending too much time with two new frienemies named Ben & Jerry.  Whoever decided that there are FOUR serving in ONE pint of their ice cream is a sadistic bastard.

The result of discarding my food plan and stopping my daily walks was regaining all that weight I'd lost (and then some).  I decided to include this part of my story here because this excess weight is now feeding all of my fears about starting my new life in Santa Fe.  I do understand that this is simply another layer of my journey.  It's not the food's fault, even though the food industry knows that "Sugar Sells" and it's been more than 20 years since I had any direct contact with Little Debbie.   I just wish it was as easy for me to let go of this extra weight as it is for me to let go of my personal belongings. 

A couple of years ago I decided to try a different approach to this issue.  I started working on my insides first and have been praying, meditating and doing other footwork to resolve my mental obsession with food.  Even though I still weigh more than I ever have in my life, I now have an open heart and quiet mind (most of the time) and feel more comfortable with myself (most of the time) than at any other time in my life.  And now it feels like it's time for the physical work really begin again.

Back in January of this year my Dad got sick and was hospitalized.  When he came home I helped my Mom take care of him and I saw first hand how his obesity made it impossible for him to take care of himself and made his condition worse.  Witnessing his suffering motivated me to get back on my food plan and I lost 30lbs in less than 2 months.  My Dad lost his battle and passed away on April 12th.  Since then I haven't been able to follow that food plan as diligently as I would like. I am making progress though.  I started adding freshly juiced vegetables and fruit to my daily routine a few months ago and have added a few other healthy habits that seem to be making processed and highly refined foods less palatable.  Some of the foods I eat (and drink) today still seem pretty radical to others, but they feel right to me and I am continually reminded to bring GOD (Good Orderly Direction) into all of my actions and meals. 

One of the unexpected benefits of juicing is that I'm actually excited about vegetables.  Juicing them has motivated me to try new things like bok choy, fennel and ginger.  I even discovered that you can juice beets!  I have a few Meatless Mondays under my belt, but I'm still an omnivore who's just trying to limit my grass fed beef and organic chicken to a couple days a week and make the bulk of my diet fresh vegetables, whole grains (except wheat) and rely more on seeds and nuts for my protein. Naturally, my juicer is going with me to Santa Fe.

I really enjoy juicing and plan to make it a part of my daily routine for the rest of my life.  I love trying new combinations of fruits and veggies and decided to watch the documentary Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead again a couple weeks ago.  Today I feel like I'm being led to do a 30 day (or longer) Reboot With Joe.  I've been wheat & flour free since the day after Thanksgiving and working on getting all of the processed sugar out of my system again before starting the reboot in a couple weeks.  I always talk to my clients about Jump Starting their organizing goals and feel like this type of reboot will jump start my weight loss and help me redefine my relationship with food once and for all.  

Serendipity Happens

ser·en·dip·i·ty  noun \ˌser-ən-ˈdi-pə-tē\: luck that takes the form of finding valuable or pleasant things that are not looked for 

Serendipity is one of my favorite words and not just because John Cusack made a movie about it.  I love the way it sounds and love when it recognize it happening in my life.  

This process of radically simplifying my life has put a spot light on many of my fears, but it also reinforcing what is really important to me and helping me redefine how I want to live the next chapter of my life. And, during the downsizing and digitizing, I've come across some lovely old memories and let go of a lot of stuff that really doesn't mean that much to me.  I'm not looking to completely rid myself of all of the pretty or personal items, just simplify and choose wisely what I want to carry with me to Santa Fe.

One of the items I considered selling was a small statue of a woman that I bought in a friend's garage sale about 10 years ago.  She's a little worse for wear and at some point someone glued her hands back together, but I was drawn to her quiet serenity the moment I saw her sitting on that driveway next to a floral loveseat.  Despite my continued affection for this lovely lady, I did put a price tag on her and set her out on my own driveway during my moving sale back in October.  She didn't sell though and I had been debating about trying to sell her on Craigslist or take her with me.  I even thought about giving her to my friend in Santa Fe so she would "remain in the family".

Then Serendipity revealed herself to me again a couple nights ago when I was putting out the few Christmas decorations decided to keep.  I was standing in my living room thinking about where to put things when I noticed that my statue looked a lot like my Grandmother in a photograph I had hanging on my wall.  I wrote about this picture a while back in my Wide Open Spaces post, but up until a  month or so ago it had been hanging in another room so I'd never made the connection. 

I was so surprised by the resemblance that I had to take a picture just to be sure I wasn't imagining it.  In that moment, I felt lucky for noticing this valuable reminder of my Grandmother's love and knew that she and the statue would be in the car with me when I head south next Spring.   And, now I have a name for my statue.  It's THEDA, which was my Grandmother's first name and seems to suit her perfectly.

Helping Others Feel Less Overwhelmed

Yesterday, while working with a client to clear off her kitchen counter and create a IN/OUT System for her mail & paperwork, she talked about feeling overwhelmed by the holidays and her piles of stuff and just wanted to hibernate for the winter.  I assured her she wasn't alone and shared some more of my story about radically simplifying my life with her.  I understand that the extent to which I am going to simplify my life is not for everyone, but I also know that applying the idea of LESS IS MORE to any situation where the stuff in your life is overwhelming can be liberating.  

So, I asked her how she felt about just throwing out the  stack of magazines she'd been planning to read and she said it actually sounded appealing and after a quick sort through the stack she only saved ONE magazine.  We also tackled a pile of catalogs that she'd been saving because she had to shop for Christmas presents and she was able to narrow it down to THREE catalogs, two of which she'd already marked pages with items she wanted for her daughter & grandson.  I then had her put the catalogs in her TO DO NOW folder so could get the items ordered this week.  

I also told her about some of the articles & blogs I'd been reading about simplifying Christmas by looking for ways to make memories and spend time with our family and friends instead of feeling obligated to buy them more stuff.  Ideas like taking your kids to the movies instead of buying them the DVD or taking them to the zoo instead of buying a stuffed animal.  It all comes back to what I've been telling her and anyone who would listen for year to make MEMORIES not MEMENTOS.

We ended our session by getting her kitchen counter cleared off and putting away all of the items we'd found the belonged in other rooms and then sat down to talk about how to keep the clutter at bay during the holidays.  She already uses a day timer for her TO DO LIST and has the items have to be done that day at the top and other tasks that need to be done soon on the bottom.  And she follows Stephen Covey's methods so any items that don't get done that day get move to the next day's list.  Looking at her list I was able to suggest taking ONE task each day from her TO DO folder and/or list and making it a priority for that day.  

We also discussed several other small projects she could work on between now and our next session on January 4th and she scheduled time for each of these tasks on her calendar.  To help her keep this commitment to herself, she will be calling or texting me when she's ready to start her homework each week and then check in with me after she's done to share how it went and how she's feeling.  It's all about taking little steps and focusing on one small project at a time to help keep the feeling of being overwhelmed at bay.  Hopefully, all of the work we did together and breaking down some simple projects will help make this season brighter for her and help her enjoy more time with her family & friends.

Going Digital

When I was getting ready for my Radical Moving Sale in October,  I pulled out my old organizing portfolio of Before & After pictures that I started  15 years ago to show prospective clients.  My website & Facebook page have replaced that relic so I removed all of the prints & sold the album.  

I also had a matching album for storing all of the photo CDs I got when I developed a roll of film back in the late 90s and early 2000s.  As I went through the CDs, I realized that I had saved most of the pictures to my computer over the years.  So, I decided to get rid of the discs too and spent a couple hours this weekend checking each disc and to make sure that I had all of the images saved to my computer - it only took a couple hours because my digital photos are well organized in labeled folders on my computer.  I really do walk the walk when it comes to organizing.

The question I'm facing now is whether or not to keep all of the actual prints of my photographs.  Several years I ago I started scanning all of our family photos to my computer & now keep the prints stored in 5 acid-free photo boxes.  I also now use a service called Mozy.com to back up all the data & photos on my computer and store them online so if my computer is ever stolen or destroyed I can easily download all of my info to a new computer.  This whole process of simplifying my life has me questioning now if I really need the prints anymore. 

My Great-Grandfather, Manly Baker Sr.

Letting go of so much of my stuff has been pretty easy, but I've always loved photography. I was a yearbook photographer in high school & often dreamed of traveling the world taking pictures for National Geographic or Architectural Digest.  I've even been able to incorporate photography into my organizing business with Before & After photos.  So, the idea of getting rid of my prints even though they're all safe & sound in digital format makes me a little anxious. 

I'm definitely keeping the pictures of my family from the late 1800s and early 1900s that were mounted on decorative cardboard and have such a lovely patina now.  I'm also keeping the cardboard Polaroids from the 1970s and  those prints with rounded corners that you can only reproduce on Instagram or other photo editing programs these days.  I don't feel as much attachment to all of the glossy & matte prints from the late 1990s and early 2000s though.  Maybe because I took so many pictures at that time and I'm so used to having them stored on my computer that those prints don't seem as special.  Not that the images aren't special, I just don't get the same sense of history looking at them.  Perhaps these prints will seem nostalgic and sentimental to my grandchildren some day.

All things considered, my plan right now is to work on reducing the number of my prints to ONE box and leave all of the older family prints in 3 clear shoe boxes with my Mom.  That feels like the right balance of radical and simplicity for me today.  Now I just have to deal with all of my old negatives.  Oy vey!

The Girl Who Sold Her Christmas Tree

Apparently, today is "Buy Nothing Day" -  an international day of protest against consumerism.  Today is also the first day I became aware that such international protest existed.  According to Wikipedia though, "The first Buy Nothing Day was organized in Canada in September 1992 'as a day for society to examine the issue of over-consumption'.  In 1997, it was moved to the Friday after American Thanksgiving, also called "Black Friday", which is one of the ten busiest shopping days in the United States. In 2000, advertisements by Adbusters promoting Buy Nothing Day were denied advertising time by almost all major television networks except for CNN. Soon, campaigns started appearing in the United States, the United Kingdom, Israel, Austria, Germany, New Zealand, Japan, the Netherlands, France, and Norway. Participation now includes more than 65 nations."  There's also a Buy Nothing Christmas movement that has some great ideas for making this holiday season memorable without spending any money. 

For the sake of this blog post, I'd like to be able to say that today is also the day I sold my Christmas tree, but I actually sold it 2 days ago as part of my process of downsizing.  It just so happens that as I stumbled into Radical Minimalism a couple months ago and started selling & donating most of my stuff, I now find myself pondering an international protest.  Not sure I'm ready to go that jump on that bandwagon, but since I've never been a "Black Friday" shopper and had already planned to spend very little on Christmas this year, this idea certainly appeals to me. 

As a Professional Organizer, my goal is not only to help people organizer there stuff, but more importantly, to help them identify what's really important to them and to make room for making memories with their family and friends or exploring hobbies or interests they've been putting off until "some day".   Usually this involves getting rid of a load or two of nonessential stuff so that you can actually hear what the essential has to say.  This is easier said than done especially with the pressure to fill our homes with more & more stuff.

I won't be playing The Grinch this year or boycotting holiday cheer.  I have a few special items that I will be putting out to brighten my home & hearth, but I do intend to keep exploring this simple path and reminding myself that it's the journey that counts, even though I'm really excited about starting a new life in Santa Fe in the spring.  I keep getting reminded to give myself and others the gift of being present in the moment & my hope is that whatever you choose to spend or not spend or whether you put up a Christmas tree or Menorah or nothing at all, that you seize the opportunity to spend time with friends & family this holiday season.

grat-I-tude

I believe that the practice of writing a daily gratitude list for the last few years has changed the way my brain works.  My synapses seem to fire differently these days because finding things to be grateful for throughout the day has become second nature.  Sometimes my first thought is to say a prayer of gratitude instead of the old refrain, "Why me?".  

I've always pretty optimistic about life, but I remember a time when I thought God was a terrorist who looked for ways to punish me.  For some reason, I thought this punishment came through my car.  Whenever my car wouldn't start or broke down or I got a flat tire, my first thought was that I had done something wrong and this was how God decided to punish me.  I'm not sure where I got this idea since the loudest message I got growing up in a Methodist church was "Jesus loves me."  Somewhere along the line though that message morphed in to visions of hellfire & brimstone and the fear of going to Hell in a handbasket.

I was 22 when my son was born and my idea of gratitude at that time was that it was a duty and if  I wasn't grateful enough God would punish me or my son.  My life wasn't going according to my plans and I was really angry at the God I grew up with for not answering my prayers for a knight in shining armor and a home in Architectural Digest.  Even though my son's father was in our lives at that time, he had a habit of disappearing and even when we were together, I felt like a single mom.  

I had no real tools for living at this time in my life.  Surviving was the name of the game and it wasn't until a couple years after my son was born when I went back to college and found a spiritual program that the real gratitude found a home in my heart.  I started hearing about the idea of making a list of things I was grateful for and would occasionally make a list in a last ditch effort to stave off scary situations.  I also tried making a list when I needed money to cover an unexpected bill or wanted something special. 

Around this time a friend of mine created an online group where we could share gratitude with friends.  It sounded like a good idea and it wasn't long before making a list became a daily practice.  Some days are still harder than others to come up with 13 things for which I am especially grateful for today, but I always feel better after my list is complete and sent out into Gratitude Land.  I started out with an even dozen items on my list and now add an extra item on my list to make it a "Baker's Dozen".

What's really interesting to me is that now that I am letting go of most of my possessions, many of which have appeared on my gratitude list over the years, I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for this opportunity to explore a new way of living my life - a life with less stuff & more adventures.  Isn't it ironic that having less makes me feel more grateful?

I no longer feel like I owe a debt of gratitude.  Today I feel like gratitude is my friend.  Sometimes I forget to call her and get stuck on my pity pot.  Fortunately, most days I remember to take her hand and count my blessings and we trudge the road to happy destiny together.  With that said, here's my list for today:

Today I am especially great-FULL for...

1.  abundant sunshine makes cold days better
2.  Creative Conference Calls
3.  a safe & reliable car
4.  a great mechanic who has saved me thousands of dollars over the years
5.  washer fluid
6.  simple preparations done for tomorrows lunch
7.  noticing that my the gratitude quote that I end my lists with is by the same person who wrote a different quote I posted on Facebook about gratitude
8.  my glasses - my contacts felt glued to my eyes earlier this evening
9.  hand lotion & lip balm
10.  hot showers & space heaters
11.  a safe & warm home
12.  getting to spend tomorrow (Thanksgiving) with family & friends
13.  practicing gratitude with all of you everyday

Namaste,
Shannon


"Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."  ~ Melody Beattie

Radio Silence

I don't know if this happens anymore, but "Radio Silence" was when radio stations were asked to stop transmitting for safety or security reasons.  Because my brain decided to stop transmitting intelligible thoughts for the last couple of weeks, it seemed like an appropriate title for this post about my lack of posts.

After my Radical Moving Sale and flurry of activity surrounding the first phase of my move, I needed to safety break from all the emotions and changes and just "be still" for a while.  I knew when I started this journey that there would be many emotions to process as the result all the changes and decided to be gentle with myself and plan to enjoy my entire journey and not just focus on the end of the road.  While I am eagerly anticipating my cross-country move, I continue to practice staying in today and embracing each day here in Omaha.

Unfortunately, the voices in my head didn't head the order for radio silence.  So, I've decided to follow Eminem & Rihanna's advice "get along with the voices inside of my head".  For me that means not taking those voices too seriously and continuing to reason things out with my friends and sharing those thoughts here with you. 

Cartoon courtesy of toothpastefordinner.com.

If you haven't heard Eminem's Song "The Monster" be sure to check it out - I may be "nuts for real" but I think that he's is an amazing lyricist.  The Monster by Eminem ft. Rihanna

"I ain't much of a poet, but I know somebody once told me to seize the moment and don't squander it". ~ Eminem

Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow

YESTERDAY started with unexpected tears.  This has happened a few times since I started selling & donating my belongings. These tears were brought on by seeing a picture of antique drop-leaf table that a friend bought from me last week.  She posted a picture of it in her home and when I saw it the tears just started to fall.  They didn't last long because I simply felt the feelings about letting go of something that I really enjoyed having in my home.  Then I went on with my day.  I am grateful to know that it went to a good home.

My table's new home.

Part of this process has been an awareness that I've defined myself by my things.  I didn't realize how much a part of who I think I am has been wrapped up in the furniture & items I've collected over the years to decorate my home.  Who am I without these things?

I've worked with many people over the years who struggle with letting go of anything.  The process usually involved asking them to tell me about the item.  Sometimes talking about what it means to them helps them let it go, especially if the object actually holds unpleasant memories for them.  I've also taken a lot of pictures of items that people still feel attached to but know they'll never use or display the item.  But, even without a picture, I assure them that they can keep their memories without holding on to the mementos. This was a good reminder for me today as I continue this journey.

TODAY dawned much brighter.  I'm worked with a woman in her 80s this morning to help her downsize because she's planning to leave her home of 20 years to Tennessee to be closer to her family.  I love working with "Golden Girls" and hearing their stories and helping them honor their family memories as they lighten their loads.   She did a great job today letting go of several bags full of old magazines and we got her dining room & kitchen tables cleared off too.  She now has a clean space in her kitchen to sort through her mail and a small "To Do" basket that she can carry with her to the living room when she needs a more comfortable seat to finish her action items.

I also spent some time with my son today.  He's 21 and has been living on his own for the last 2 years.  I had to bribe him with lunch in order to be granted an audience, but enjoyed watching a movie with him and visiting my "grand-kitty" Bella.  My son cleaned and his apartment last night after buying some new lamps.  He insists that he is nothing like me & that he's not "organizing", but I know better.  I knew he took after me when he was 2 years old.  I had been listening to him play in his room for a while and got curious about what he was doing.  He'd shut the door very dramatically (more proof that he's my son) about 20 minutes earlier and when I opened the door to see what he'd been up to, I discovered that he had moved all of his furniture (all lightweight plastic stuff at that time) to a new place.  It was all neatly arranged, just not the way it had been before he shut the door.  Like Mother, like Son!

TOMORROW is Saturday and will actually be a day off for me.  That just means I don't have a client session scheduled for tomorrow.  So, I'll have time to upgrade my website, edit Before & After photos, follow up with clients, work on a several marketing ideas for the month, complete some admin work for a virtual client, do laundry, vacuum, edit & upload more personal pictures to our family picture website, juice some veggies, do some batch cooking for the week, post some more of my stuff on Craigslist,  watch a movie, spend some time with a friend and since I don't have a set schedule for all of this stuff, take an afternoon nap.

Wide Open Spaces

Who doesn't know what I'm talking about

Who's never left home, who's never struck out
To find a dream and a life of their own
A place in the clouds, a foundation of stone

Many precede and many will follow
A young girl's dream no longer hollow
It takes the shape of a place out west
But what it holds for her, she hasn't guessed yet

She needs wide open spaces
Room to make her big mistakes
She needs new faces
She knows the high stakes

She traveled this road as a child
Wide eyed and grinning, she never tired
But now she won't be coming back with the rest
If these are life's lessons, she'll take this test

She needs wide open spaces
Room to make her big mistakes
She needs new faces
She knows the high stakes

Wide Open Spaces by The Dixie Chicks

 

I've been hearing this song in my head for the last few days & I listening to it now as I type for inspiration.  I put it on a mixed CD back in the 90s and would play it every time we headed  out on one of our road trips to Santa Fe.  What can I say?  I grew up watching the movie "Grease" and always wanted my own personal soundtrack.  And, while this song certainly sums up my feelings about following my dream to strike out on my own, it also resonates on a deeper level today as I deconstruct my home in search radical simplicity.  

I've spent most of my life decorating & rearranging my home and even made a career out of doing the same thing for other people.  I never had much money to work with but I always had creativity in spades, and finding new ways to use items I already owned was always a wonderful challenge.  My mind always seemed to be searching for new ways to personalize the spaces I inhabited and make the houses in which I've lived into homes.  My daydreams (and night dreams) were filled with detailed plans to remodel homes and redecorate interiors.  Letting go of this thinking is creating new and unexpected feelings.  I've had to remind myself several times that I'm not buying new stuff to replace the things I've sold or donated during this process and that reminder has been followed by a quiet sense of relief.  It feels like a breath fresh air and there now seems to be a wide open space in my head for new dreams & possibilities. Of course, it helps that I can still live vicariously through my clients' furniture arrangements and create new and interesting galleries on their walls with their favorite pieces of art and family photos.

As I was typing this, I was thinking about what photo to include with the post.  This picture came to mind immediately because it's one of the few items that are coming with me. I've been scanning old family photos for several years now and the original of this print is only about 1x2 inches.  Thanks to my trusty scanner, I was able to have it enlarged and printed onto 2x3 feet canvas last year.  It was taken in 1918 of my Grandmother on the plains of Iowa with her two oldest children (and the third on the way).  I've always been fascinated by the it's candid nature and even though she looks really tired it captures a real moment in her early life as a mother and is much more appealing to me than the stiffly formal portraits of the time.  It makes me wonder about the dreams she had for her own life.  So, I'm taking her with me to the Land of Enchantment and perhaps as I learn more about myself on this journey, I'll learn more about her as well. 

A Trunk Full of Love

This trunk has been a part of my life since my Grandmother died in 1977.  It kept stuffed animals in it when I was a little girl, magazines when I was a teenager and was repurposed many times as an adult in different rooms in my home.  I used it for throw pillows & had a basket for shoes in it at one time & really liked this display with plants that I put together a few years ago.  It's been a part of the backdrop of my life for as long as I can remember, and now it's gone.  I sold it to a man who plans to give it to a friend in Texas who restores this type of old steamer trunk.  

After I sold it, I thought that maybe the trunk would find its way back to me again someday after it had been restored.  It was a comforting thought to have as I watch the man load it into his car, but I also knew letting it go was the right thing for me right now.  

I was only 7 when my Grandmother died, but I have many lovely memories of her and know that she would have supported my decision to sell her trunk & would be championing my decision to follow my dream to Santa Fe.  I think of her often as I write about this journey.  Memories of sitting on the swing on her front porch & looking out the stained glass windows on the wall of her staircase.  I can still see the white, chenille bedspread on the bed in the room at the top of the stairs & loved it when she asked me to get her a bobby pin from the Pond's cold cream jar on her vanity.  I remember her ceramic cookie jar & stainless steel toaster that held 4 slices of bread & the way the well water tasted against her rainbow colored metal drinking glasses.  And any time I smell Cream of Wheat, I feel my self pulled back in tie to her warm kitchen on cold winter mornings.  

Every spring when the peonies bloom I think of her because her house was  surrounded by beds of flowers.  She was an avid gardener and I still have pictures of her Garden Club entries.  I also vividly remember picking peonies from her garden to place on her grave on Memorial Day after she died.  

My fondest memory though is the year I got Betsy Wetsy for Christmas.  I was 4 1/2 years old and all I could think of on the drive from our house in Missouri to her house in Iowa was showing Grandma my new doll.  This is the picture from that day & I'm so grateful that her love for me was captured in this Polaroid moment.  I wish I'd had more time with her and that my first lesson about death wasn't her death.  She is always with me though and I've felt her presence throughout my life as my guardian angel. 

Her name was Theda Ostie Hinds.  She was born on September 19, 1895 and married John Wesley Baker on July 24, 1914.  They raised raised 8 children to adulthood and buried several infants and a 9 year old son.  My father was her youngest son and she died on December 11, 1976 but her memory lives on in  me.  I am Theda Baker's Granddaughter.

This Will Go Down on Your Permanent Record

I decided to get rid of my high school yearbooks.  I have one from each year and even have plastic covers & my name embossed on three of them - just some of the "perks" of having been a yearbook staff photographer.  This particular act of simplification seems almost sacrilegious.  As I was tearing out the pages I plan to keep & scan into my computer and I heard the lead singer of the Violent Femmes repeating the warning in the title of this post that adults often invoke to try to keep teenagers in line.  I guess it feels a little like I'm destroying school property, and I have to say, I kinda like it. 

I wasn't much of a rebel in high school, although I did shave half my head when I was 16.  Listening to the Violent Femmes was about as rebellious as it got for me though.  I was an honor student and actually enjoyed learning, but hated the popularity contests and social games that took place in the hallways everyday.  Even though I looked a lot like Molly Ringwald in those days, there was no Breakfast Club for me.

I really did look like Molly Ringwald in 1985.

So, why have I been holding onto these weighty tomes dedicated to the glorification of all the things I hated about that time in my life?  At one time, I certainly felt proud for having been a part of the team that put them together.  I also have fond memories of learning about processing film and hanging out in the darkroom at school.  But, I always felt most comfortable participating in school events from behind the viewfinder of a 35mm or video camera.  Even though I lost a lot of weight in Middle School, I was still considered fat by some of my classmates who made it clear on a regular basis in the hallways that I didn't "fit in", so I always felt like I was on the outside looking in during those four long years.

In 1986, during my Junior year, my high school became the first school in Nebraska to produce a Video Yearbook.  I loved shooting video as much as still photograph, even though I had to support a huge video camera that used full-size VHS video tapes on my shoulder,  and thoroughly enjoyed participating in the editing process.  I still remember the excitement and anticipation of the first time we showed it to the whole school.  It was way too long, more than 2 hours, and had too much football footage, but it was a new & exciting way to capture our collective memories.  I made a point of converting those VHS tapes to DVD a few years ago to preserve them.

I have to admit that I started writing this post right after I'd torn out pages from all but my senior yearbook.  When it came to this last book I hesitated, probably because I was much more involved with it and there are naturally more pictures of the seniors (the people I actually knew in my school).  The first rip was the hardest, but once I'd pulled it out, the rest were much easier.  This might be a tougher decision if I didn't have a scanner and computer to store them on, but even if I didn't simply keeping the pages that actually have some meaning and pleasant memories for me would be a good start.  Now I can have some fun scanning & doing some finally cropping & editing of those torn out pages.

 

Getting rid of my yearbooks is just another layer in this process for me.  I'll hold onto the pleasant memories in a digital format, but I'm done schlepping all those football players & cheerleaders around with me.  Twenty-Five years is long enough to carry their extra weight.  

Illusion of Control

I realized yesterday that some of my feelings about letting go of some of my things is about control.  We had a repairman in to fix the washer yesterday who also happened to buy & sell antique radios.  When my Mom called to say he was there and interested in my grandparent's radio I was selling, I was happy to make the deal.  A few minutes later though I started feeling anxious about it and just wanted to get home and see the radio one last time before it disappeared from my life.  Very melodramatic, I know, but it made me realize that it wasn't really about the radio or that it belonged to my grandparents.  My feelings were about being out of control of the situation.

"Illusion of Control" by Brian Andreas

I was surprised by this epiphany.  I've known for a long time that any control I think I have over any other person, place or thing is an illusion.  The only things I can ever hope to have any control over are my own actions, inactions & reactions.  Even my feelings are beyond my control sometimes, although I have learned to act better than I feel most of the time and don't tend to wallow in my emotions for very long these days.

Trust me, I've spent some time on the Pity Pot over the years.  Through trial & error, I've just learned that a positive attitude and positive actions make all the difference for me.  I can't usually think my way into better action though.  I have to get busy doing the next right thing or helping someone else.  Maybe that's why helping people clear away clutter is so satisfying for me.  I know how good it feels to clear space in a drawer, closet or room, and I've witnessed that feeling in others.  Some of my clients even do "Happy Dances" in their driveways!

I'm not ready to dance down the driveway yet over this realization, but I am grateful for the awareness that the need for control is still a part of me.  Having had that awareness, I can now work on accepting it and continue take actions contrary to those feelings.  And I'm excited to see where the wind will carry me when as I continue down this enchanting road to Radical Simplicity.