I've always pretty optimistic about life, but I remember a time when I thought God was a terrorist who looked for ways to punish me. For some reason, I thought this punishment came through my car. Whenever my car wouldn't start or broke down or I got a flat tire, my first thought was that I had done something wrong and this was how God decided to punish me. I'm not sure where I got this idea since the loudest message I got growing up in a Methodist church was "Jesus loves me." Somewhere along the line though that message morphed in to visions of hellfire & brimstone and the fear of going to Hell in a handbasket.
I was 22 when my son was born and my idea of gratitude at that time was that it was a duty and if I wasn't grateful enough God would punish me or my son. My life wasn't going according to my plans and I was really angry at the God I grew up with for not answering my prayers for a knight in shining armor and a home in Architectural Digest. Even though my son's father was in our lives at that time, he had a habit of disappearing and even when we were together, I felt like a single mom.
I had no real tools for living at this time in my life. Surviving was the name of the game and it wasn't until a couple years after my son was born when I went back to college and found a spiritual program that the real gratitude found a home in my heart. I started hearing about the idea of making a list of things I was grateful for and would occasionally make a list in a last ditch effort to stave off scary situations. I also tried making a list when I needed money to cover an unexpected bill or wanted something special.
Around this time a friend of mine created an online group where we could share gratitude with friends. It sounded like a good idea and it wasn't long before making a list became a daily practice. Some days are still harder than others to come up with 13 things for which I am especially grateful for today, but I always feel better after my list is complete and sent out into Gratitude Land. I started out with an even dozen items on my list and now add an extra item on my list to make it a "Baker's Dozen".
What's really interesting to me is that now that I am letting go of most of my possessions, many of which have appeared on my gratitude list over the years, I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for this opportunity to explore a new way of living my life - a life with less stuff & more adventures. Isn't it ironic that having less makes me feel more grateful?
I no longer feel like I owe a debt of gratitude. Today I feel like gratitude is my friend. Sometimes I forget to call her and get stuck on my pity pot. Fortunately, most days I remember to take her hand and count my blessings and we trudge the road to happy destiny together. With that said, here's my list for today:
Today I am especially great-FULL for...
1. abundant sunshine makes cold days better
2. Creative Conference Calls
3. a safe & reliable car
4. a great mechanic who has saved me thousands of dollars over the years
5. washer fluid
6. simple preparations done for tomorrows lunch
7. noticing that my the gratitude quote that I end my lists with is by the same person who wrote a different quote I posted on Facebook about gratitude
8. my glasses - my contacts felt glued to my eyes earlier this evening
9. hand lotion & lip balm
10. hot showers & space heaters
11. a safe & warm home
12. getting to spend tomorrow (Thanksgiving) with family & friends
13. practicing gratitude with all of you everyday
Namaste,
Shannon
"Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." ~ Melody Beattie
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