Humble Gratitude

I posted this photo on my Facebook page today for Throw Back Thursday.  It was taken right before my son and I headed out for another road trip to Santa Fe in the spring of 2003.  I've been growing my hair out for the last year because I've always wanted to donate to Locks of Love, but this picture really made me want to cut my hair today.  The feeling passed & and I'm grateful for a really full head of hair, but I am looking forward to cutting it all off later this year.  

Today was also a really good day.  I've started selling more of my possessions on Craigslist again and my Mom's new apartment is almost ready for her to move into it next week.  My son started moving his stuff into my home (he's going to live here with a couple friends after I move) and he's having fun with some remodeling projects - the wet bar in the basement is the first major project.  I love the extra time I've had with him lately and look forward to living with him again for a little while before I leave town.

Today is also the first day of SPRING and the weather was lovely here in Omaha today, so I was in a good mood when I got home this afternoon and found a small envelope in my mailbox from a friend and who was also one of my organizing clients.  She moved out of state a few years ago, but I have many fond memories of helping her declutter and organize her home.  Her note expressed her gratitude for all of the "lessons & help with her house" and included a check for 'gas money' for my trip to Santa Fe.  I was stunned by her gesture and filled with gratitude.  I've had so much emotional support from my friends and family since I decided to follow my dream to move to Santa Fe.  That she went out of her way to thank me and support my decision in this way is priceless and humbling.  I learned as much from her during our friendship and continue to be inspired by her.  She is one of my mentors when it comes to following dreams and I she reminded me today that God has a plan for me and it is better than mine.  

I've always thought that winning the lottery would be a great solution to my financial struggles, but I know that I already won the lottery when it comes to friends. Not because I got a check from a friend today, but because of the love & emotional support I receive from all of my friends, near and far, every day.  Moving away from so many of my friends is one of the hardest parts about this journey, but I've watched several other brave women leave their comfort zones and move away from "home".  I've seen their courage and watched them build new homes away from home and I am reassured that I can do the same thing in Santa Fe.  I also know that all of my friends are only an email or phone call away and will continue to watch them grow and prosper through our shared Gratitude Lists.  So, today I am especially great-FULL for the gentle reminder that I am loved.

grat-I-tude

I believe that the practice of writing a daily gratitude list for the last few years has changed the way my brain works.  My synapses seem to fire differently these days because finding things to be grateful for throughout the day has become second nature.  Sometimes my first thought is to say a prayer of gratitude instead of the old refrain, "Why me?".  

I've always pretty optimistic about life, but I remember a time when I thought God was a terrorist who looked for ways to punish me.  For some reason, I thought this punishment came through my car.  Whenever my car wouldn't start or broke down or I got a flat tire, my first thought was that I had done something wrong and this was how God decided to punish me.  I'm not sure where I got this idea since the loudest message I got growing up in a Methodist church was "Jesus loves me."  Somewhere along the line though that message morphed in to visions of hellfire & brimstone and the fear of going to Hell in a handbasket.

I was 22 when my son was born and my idea of gratitude at that time was that it was a duty and if  I wasn't grateful enough God would punish me or my son.  My life wasn't going according to my plans and I was really angry at the God I grew up with for not answering my prayers for a knight in shining armor and a home in Architectural Digest.  Even though my son's father was in our lives at that time, he had a habit of disappearing and even when we were together, I felt like a single mom.  

I had no real tools for living at this time in my life.  Surviving was the name of the game and it wasn't until a couple years after my son was born when I went back to college and found a spiritual program that the real gratitude found a home in my heart.  I started hearing about the idea of making a list of things I was grateful for and would occasionally make a list in a last ditch effort to stave off scary situations.  I also tried making a list when I needed money to cover an unexpected bill or wanted something special. 

Around this time a friend of mine created an online group where we could share gratitude with friends.  It sounded like a good idea and it wasn't long before making a list became a daily practice.  Some days are still harder than others to come up with 13 things for which I am especially grateful for today, but I always feel better after my list is complete and sent out into Gratitude Land.  I started out with an even dozen items on my list and now add an extra item on my list to make it a "Baker's Dozen".

What's really interesting to me is that now that I am letting go of most of my possessions, many of which have appeared on my gratitude list over the years, I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for this opportunity to explore a new way of living my life - a life with less stuff & more adventures.  Isn't it ironic that having less makes me feel more grateful?

I no longer feel like I owe a debt of gratitude.  Today I feel like gratitude is my friend.  Sometimes I forget to call her and get stuck on my pity pot.  Fortunately, most days I remember to take her hand and count my blessings and we trudge the road to happy destiny together.  With that said, here's my list for today:

Today I am especially great-FULL for...

1.  abundant sunshine makes cold days better
2.  Creative Conference Calls
3.  a safe & reliable car
4.  a great mechanic who has saved me thousands of dollars over the years
5.  washer fluid
6.  simple preparations done for tomorrows lunch
7.  noticing that my the gratitude quote that I end my lists with is by the same person who wrote a different quote I posted on Facebook about gratitude
8.  my glasses - my contacts felt glued to my eyes earlier this evening
9.  hand lotion & lip balm
10.  hot showers & space heaters
11.  a safe & warm home
12.  getting to spend tomorrow (Thanksgiving) with family & friends
13.  practicing gratitude with all of you everyday

Namaste,
Shannon


"Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."  ~ Melody Beattie