In the mid 90s I visited my brother in Seattle and while wondering through Pike's Place Market, I came across an artist who was selling little bas relief sculptures. When I turned this little guy over and read the title, "The Ego that Wouldn't Leave," I immediately empathized with this expression of agony and defeat. I brought him home with me as a reminder of what happens when I allow my Ego to run my life.
About 10 years ago, my friend in Santa Fe introduced me to Louise Hay's book, "You Can Heal Your Body," and I became aware of the power that negative thoughts have on my body & life. I started using positive affirmations to take care of physical ailments and was continually amazed by the results & my body (and mind's) ability to heal itself. I clearly recall sitting in the courtyard of her c0-housing community and focusing on a particular affirmation because I had been constipated for a couple days. I repeated the phrase, "Life flows through me with ease" over and over again in my head while sitting on that bench and vividly remember the sense of peace that came over me and the hummingbird that visited me during that peaceful moment. I also remember not being constipated a few hours later. I didn't understand at the time that my Ego was responsible for all of those negative thoughts, but after taking another one of Louise's suggestions and following up any negative thought with the affirmation, "I approve of myself" I realized how loud the negative voice in my head had become. I spent the entire drive home to Omaha "approving of myself" - that's almost 900 miles of negativity - and it was a startling awareness that made me want to learn more about how to change my thoughts and actions.
Over the years I had heard that EGO means "Easing God Out". I've written about my concept of GOD as Good Orderly Direction, so for me, when my I let me EGO take over, I feels like I'm moving away from that positive centerpiece in my life and taking a road filled with chaos, drama and negativity. Affirmations have become an intuitive response the insidious voice of my Ego and I've learned to listen to my body. When some pain or unusual physical issue arises, I turn to Louise's little blue book for possible mental causes and more often than not, the underlying thought process she connects with that issue hits the nail on the head for me and using the suggested affirmation neutralizes the situation and my body heals accordingly.
It wasn't until I read Ekhart Tolle's book, "A New Earth" about 6 years ago that I really started to understand that my Ego and I are not one in the same. The following sentence started a new paradigm shift for me:
So, a few years ago I decided to offer a symbolic gesture to let the Universe know that I was ready to let go of my attachment to my ego. I took "The EGO That Wouldn't Leave" on a road trip to Arkansas where I go for a spiritual retreat with a bunch of other women. I put it in my pocket and went for a walk in the woods and placed it in a tree. Then I walked away feeling lighter and knowing that I was moving forward in a more positive direction.
Awareness is the Power that is concealed in the present moment.
I had been introduced to the three As - Awareness, Acceptance & Action - around the time I found this sculpture in Seattle and had come to believe that Acceptance was the most important of the three As. I usually went directly from Awareness to Action or would end up getting mired down in a new awareness and could end up having a pity party hosted by my Ego. But, reading Eckhart's book and coming to understand that I am actually separate from my awareness - I am the Observer not what I observe about myself or the world. Therein lies the power for me, for all of us. Because I am learning to detach myself from my thoughts and to stop myself from labeling situations as "good" or "bad" I am better able to accept what is and if I feel compelled to change a situation, I can now take positive action.
That's what this whole journey is about for me. It's not just about following a dream to live in Santa Fe or losing weight or even about simplifying my possessions. I'm beginning to see that all of the Actions I've taken during the last few years & months are helping me to become more present in each moment. And that awareness has given me the power & courage to change my life. I know that my ego will never leave me completely, but it's voice is much quieter these days and I know that I have tools to replace that voice with love & light & serenity.
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